A McDonald’s employee is now under arrest after he admitted to “ejaculating” in several hundred batches of the companies famed ‘secret sauce’ since 2014. Evan Thomas, 26, had been an “outstanding employee, receiving employee of the month 5 times” according to the manager and coworkers at the Wonderpark, Pretoria North. The fact that this happened was a shock to everybody at the restaurant, including the thousands of customers who may have consumed Thomas’ semen.
When the community was made aware that the Big Mac sauce may have been contaminated, several loyal customers stepped forward. “I’ve been eating at this McDonald’s since I was a kid,” said Lily Van Vuren from Amandasig near Wondeepark. “I get a Big Mac at least 3 times per week and Thomas was always so nice. He asked me out a couple times and I almost said yes. I’m so glad I never went out with that freak. To think I’ve been eating his semen… oh my God I think I’m gonna puke.”
“I’ve eaten Big Macs at other locations but I’d always come back to this one,” said Steve Gumede, another McDonald’s customer. “I don’t know… I thought the Big Macs here just had a special ‘zing’ that I just couldn’t put my finger on. But now that I know I’ve been eating some dudes jizz, I’m gonna find him and crack that punk in his head.”
Several of the customers say they are considering a class action lawsuit, but nothing has been filed as of yet. Thomas was caught by another employee when he exited the bathroom with a cup and was seen adding it to the ‘secret sauce’ container. The employee retrieved the ingredients and notified the manager, who then called the police. When confronted, Thomas admitted he had been “making the sauce more secret than ever” for almost 2 years. Thomas was arrested, booked on several charges and is awaiting his court hearing.
There are over 3,000 people undergoing health screenings concerned about contracting diseases. Thomas offered a voluntary blood panel screening exam which came up negative for any contractible disease.